Men in my LIfe~

... 1st one.... was K... we were closed friend...my 1st love... we went to the same school... we went out as a couple secretly... we write letter to each other during class... we shared the breakfast his mother made for him... hahaha... so sweet... unfortunately... we went to different uni... He went UK and i went to Australia.... the last time we saw each other was at the bus stop at Brickfields... we went for lunch at Lai Sing... the pork noodles... i still remember it was tasteless... cos we were having it in silent... so much to say to each other but dunno what.... we left each other in pain... we still keep in touch when i was in Melbourne... ICQ was the only way we keep in touch with each other... our relationship got complicated... i got angry when he went out with his friends... he got angry when he didnt see me online at the time i was supposed to... On my birthday in year 1998... he called me to wish me Happy Birthday... I was so happy... the next thing i know... his good friend called me and told me that K met an accident and passed away...!!!! Thats it! Thats the end of our relationship.... HE passed away on my birthday... Miss ya K...!

...2nd one... was A.... I was a changed person at that time... I started drinking and smoking.. We learnt smoking together... We stayed in the same hostel... We went to college together... We always went out in a group... I always wake him up in the morning to go college... I started admire him... and things went deeper... I was such a stupid... Hahahhaah... embarrassed... We had so much fun together... but we were just closed friends... One day.. i wrote him a letter... Hahahahahah.... told him how i felt... damn!!! so stupid!!! I slipped the letter under his door... damn!!! Hahahahah... was so surprised that he replied me the same way...just that.. he put the letter on my table.. He said he can only treat me like a 'sister' .... I cried like a mad person... avoid meeting him for weeks... Hahahahha!!! We are still good friends now... and he is still my "koko" till now...

...3rd one... was B... this is also another enjoyable one... hahahahah...!!! He is so So good looking... Yeah..i was a sucker for look back then... He is tall...fit... fair... and good looking.. can dress well.. simple and nice.. He is a Jap mix Chi... He is my friend's friend's brother... Me and my other girlfriends we go to the cafe he hang out with... we kinda stalked him.. hahahahahah!!! Everytime he walked in to the cafe... we started laughing and laughing... then we will look at him... we will find a strategic table in order to see him... almost everyday... we just hang out there... cos he hang out there everyday... we will get really satisfied just by seeing him... Then we started clubbing... i was so excited to find him there... and finaly he noticed me... he will wave to me or say hi to me... i will get sleepless night everytime he did that... hahahahhaha.... and things move on...................................... I didnt see him now.... dunno where he is... and dunno if he is already married.... thats it!!! I still miss him sometimes...and wish i could see him again one day...!!!

...4th one... was R... i got to know him when i was in Melb.... He was my friend's ex... He ditched my friend... so i was supposed to take revenge for my friend... i registered to IRC... then started to chat with him.... We chat almost everyday... and somehow we have feelings for each other... we exchanged our photos.... Oh yeah... i didnt send him my picture... i sent him someone else's photo... It was supposed to be a revenge remember?? And... surprisingly...he fell for me... he asked me to be his gf... and he started calling me... hahahahah...!!! So... he was being really nice and sweet... he came online everynight... and wrote me very long email almost everyday to tell me what has he been doing.... He called me and let me talk to his mum... his bro... and his friends... his phone bill went up to 1k that time... I felt kinda bad but at the same time.. im afraid of loosing him... cos the feeling is so complicated... i fell for him already... He sent me Parcel... a big box with Teddy Bears and Potpourri... with his own wrapping... i know its his own wrapping cos can tell from the parcel... with cello tape all over.. hahahahah... I sent him parcel too... 99 pairs of cranes made of blue and yellow....his fav colour was blue and mine was yellow... so i folded 99 pairs and my fingers got hurt.... and i bought a lot of Hershey kisses for him... we went out for a year... without seeing each other... only thru that one pic.. i felt kinda bad.. i dunno how to tell him the truth... So it was summer...im supposed to be back here... he was looking forward to meet me... He told me he wanted to intro me to his friends... he wanted to bring me for dinner and places here and there... i cant speak...and he was so excited... I seriously dont want to loose him and yet i dunno hwo to tell him the truth... I was being selfish then... I was cruel... I told him i was flying on the 12th... in fact..my flight was on the 11th... I called him before i board the flight and lied to him saying that I am going clubbing with my friends and he need not call me... I would call him when i got back from Club.... I cant sleep on that 7 hours flight... due to the some technical problem..the flight got delay.. and we have to transit at Singpaore... it was 5 in the morning... I cant resist... I called him from the airport... he picked up immediately and he didnt sleep... He didnt scolded me and sounded very worried, he asked me lots of "WH" questions... Where did i go? Why never call? Who did i go out with? What happen? Am i Alrite? and etc.... then i told him... I am at Singpaore airport... He burst out laughing and said he will drive to airport now.. He will pick me up.... I rejected him and told him... he better get some sleep and i have a surprise for him...my parents will pick me up from the airport and i need to get home 1st He said... he will pick me up from home in MElaka.... I was so scared... I just cant imagine how is his reaction gonna be... I couldnt sleep all the way.. I was so scattered.. just dunno what to do...
when i got home.. i told myself... enough is enough... I should tell him the truth... I called him.. before i got a chance to say anything... he played me the song... "Immortality" thru phone... He said he sensed something not rite... so i told him the truth... he remained silent.. and i was crying.. I told him i was very sorry and he need not come and pick me up from home.. I dont wish to see him... But he refused and insisted that..he wanted to meet me... I gave him the direction and within 2 hours, he is rite infront of my house... When we saw each other we just silent.. Finally he said.. " u r prettier than the one in the picture but i am upset you are not being honest to me..." i can never forget this sentence... We went up to KL together... I was very sad and he brought me for lunch and we went back to his house... It was askward...and tat was the last time we met each other... it was my mistake so i cant ask for more....

...5th... I got to know W thru IRC when i was back in Melbourne... We only chat online and only chat generally....no buaya no flirting... just a very decent conversation everytime.... after i came back to KL we hardly keep in touch and i hardly go online.... too many things happen at that time... Once.. after work i went to a Cybercafe at Central Market just to login and check my mail... surprisingly i got an email from him... I gave him my phone number and he smsed me the very next day.... We decided to meet up... So my friend Bess and Shanice accompany me to meet up with him at California Kitchen @ KLCC. He was not a good looking guy... but very neat and tidy guy... Bess and Shanice didnt like him very much and didnt layan him well... THey decided to leave us alone and left... So.. W and I chatted away... I found out that he is a very nice guy.. and we started sms and talk on the phone very often... from often to everyday... He will call me everymorning... lunch time and night time... he will call me in the morning to wake me up so that i can catch my bus and get a seat.... he will call me during lunch time to make sure i have something to eat.... he will call me around night time and we will chat about anything in the world until both of us fall asleep... hahahah... there was once... he was snoring on the phone... hahhahaha.... he brought me out to fancy restaurant for dinner... he bought me handbag for my birthday.... he drove me around.. showed me his office...and etc.... we had great time together... He hinted me a lot of times to be his gf... i just ignored... i wanted him to ask me out upfront... we got closer... he will pick me up from work sometimes... I couldnt seem to get him out of my mind that time... we were like couple but not officially... we didnt hold hand... we didnt kiss... we just see each other very often and talk to each other very often... but Happiness is Short... I decided to resign my job and run my dad's business in Melaka. I told him the news and he asked me not to leave... but i couldn't... He stopped calling me... and sms me... He didnt reply my message nor my miss calls.... i started missing him very much and decided to ask him to join my farewell party my colleagues gave me.... on that night.. He told me... he has feelings for me and he wanted to be with me so much but eveything is too late now... We argued that night... and things just over... the reason is He is not ready for a long distance relationship... Well.... thats the ending... I got insomia after that...for almost half a year... hahahahhahahah!!!

...6th... a year later... I met Al at my friend's wedding... I didnt want to talk much about him cos it ended after 10 months and it was not a happy ending...

...7th... recently.. someone who my family cant accept even though we had feelings for each other and things just didnt work out... he is attached now...

...8th... still MISSING IN ACTION!!!

Sabar lah My friend!~

When I was chatting with my good friend on MSN this afternoon, she said she cant take any pressure now.. She is trying to take everything slow and steady.... She has been very stress and easily get angry lately... Her temper is getting worse... so she needs to take things slowly and control her bad temper...

Same thing is happening to me... I easily get annoyed by small little things lately... I just want to stay quiet and have a peace of mind... I cant stand my staff doing things slowly.. I want things my way.. I want things fast and right... I cant stand wasting another second.. I cant wait for things.. I cant stand ppl nagging at me and asking too many nuisance questions... I just cant take it... i cant drive slowly cos i feel as if im wasting too much time on the road... I cant tolerance any little mistake or ppl's misbehaviour... I dunno whats wrong with me...

I get very annoyed when i have so much to do and the time is flying... then i get egitated with everythign surrounding me... haih....!!!!

Sabar sabar.. I must stay calm!!!~~

JusT Do IT!

Just feel like posting today. Just in the mood and just feel like saying something.
I attended a Kurnia Workshop this afternoon. The speaker was quite nice and friendly. We were discussing Personal Accident policy. She warned us saying that if anyone who wanted to purchase a policy for another person, we must not be too happy, in fact, we need to really check whats the relation between the both of them, and why is he/she being so nice buying a policy for him/her. She said, even your husband wanted to buy you a policy, you have to be careful and if possible assign your sis/mum/bro/son/daughter to be the beneficiary instead of the husband. Hahahah! This involved of money, u know? ;)

This reminded me of one of my lost friends. She married to a guy who is 3 years younger than her. She was my childhood friend. Her family and my family are closed friends. She passed away in a car accident few years ago when she was on her way to work from Johor to Singapore. She had a son. After she passed away, her dad found out that the husband had bought her an insurance policy with a very big amount of sum insured. It was the 4th month after the effective date of the policy means the husband is the beneficiary and managed to claim the sum insured. THe dad suspected that the husband has somehow killed the daughter for the insurance. The husband now is a Loan Shark! Gosh! This is so cruel! But life.... I guess this is her fate. She is so pity. The GOD will serve the husband right one day!

I always believe GOD is up there watchis us. Whatever you do, good or bad HE is there watching. I just told me dad the other day.

My dad was nagging me cos one of my workers left us. His new employer called me to find out about him. So i told his new employer that he is hardworking and i promoted him even though he gave us some shit to clean off after he left. Now, he didnt even say thank you to me but never notice me even though i was just right in front of him. I was kinda upset and angry, furthermore my dad was nagging since the day i spoke to his new employer. But, i have done my part. I pity him for not getting a job thats y i promoted him so that he can manage to get a job. The GOD is watching. Im being myself and did my part. He ignored me and caused me losses..its ok... ! GOD will serve him one day!

Im nagging here rite? cos its time im going to bed!! Hahahahah!!
Good Night!

Bithchology~

Hahaha! Bitchalogy!!?
I came across someone very bitchy lately. After reading this article, i think she fails to be a Bitch! Hahahaha! She is a Bitch trying to be! U work too hard girl!!! :P
Try harder next time!

sO ME!

yOu GiVe mE SomEthinG~

You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

Mel where are you?

@ Pure Bar balcony (Vkey, Me and Mel)

I miss my friend Mel. I wonder where is he now? I wonder if he is doing fine and safe? We only spent about 2 months time together. We had a lot of fun together from clubbing to swimming to golfing to karaoking to praying and of cos food tasting. HE is same age as my brother. I have been treating him like my brother. He celebrated my birthday with me and he left after that. Till now, 3 months plus.. and have no news from him.

I hope you are doing fine Mel! Remember your promise to bring back Abalone for Ah Kak!

Miss ya!

Beauty Lies in the Eyes of the beholder~

I was sitting at one of the benches at Tesco waiting for my cousin and her friend the other day. I noticed a lot of couples walking up and down. Old couples, young couples, underaged couples, happily holding hands couples, angry face couples and etc.... They are so many different types of couples out there... Some guys look really handsome but their gf/wife dont look that presentable; Some girls look really pretty and attractive but the bf/husband look just "sad"... Some couples look really matching they have that kind of so-called "husband n wife look-a-like"... some really look totally the opposite.... I can only judge from the outlook... from the way they talk to each other... from the way they hold each other's hand... from they way they present themselves... are they really what i see from the inside? We really cant judge the book by its cover. Some couples may look really loving but they may not be as perfect from the inside... rite? I wonder what exactly the thing that attract both of them together? Fate? Money? Loves? Cares? Chemistry? what is it exactly?
Where is my fate? Where is my Money? Where is my love? where is my Chemistry? I wonder...
When can i have that someone to hold my hand and go grocery shopping with me? I wonder...
Who is the one who will attract to my positive side?
Who is the one who will see the pretty side of me?
WHo is the one who will notice my existence?
WHo is the one who will live the rest of my life with me?
Where is the beholder of my heart and my beauty?
I wonder.....

I met HIM!!

It was a long weekend! Yes I have a date!
After that wedding dinner... we have been contacting each other...
After he confessed to me about his past... I made in kinda clear to him that i actually mind with what had happened in his past....
After a few miss calls and unanswered sms.... ha kinda gave up (thats what i tot..)
He was the 1st one to greet me on my Birthday...(he tot my B'day is on 4th June)
I was happy and was surprised that he somehow made the effort... be it as friend or others....
We started sms on and off.... somehow i started thinking of him on n off....
I greet him on his birthday cos Friendster reminded me his birthday.... and he told me tat i was the 1st one to greeet him....

things just move on like that... on and off...hot and cold.....
About 2 weeks ago... he called me... I was shocked and surprised... He told me tat he wanted to visit Melaka... i didnt want him to come.. so we arranged to meet up during the long weekend...

He was not as ugly as i remembered.... He is tall and big size... wearing glasses and not good looking... but not ugly... hahahhahahah!!!
we had a nice chat... nice lunch and everything went smoothly....
I cant help myself and started asking about his past....
I didnt want to but i just cant help myself... i just want to know....

If he was still single... if he wasnt a divorcee.... We might have already move a step forward...
Nothing is perfect in this world... I dunno how much can i compromise...
What if he is the last man exist in my life....?
What if he is the one?
What if this is our fate?
Im confused...
I just need to get to know him more.... but i know myself too well....
either now or never.... Thats IT!!!!

GooD News or Bad News?!

I have been really sick. Been lying on the bed since Friday afternoon like a dead fish. My head spinning, body aching, even my fingers n toes are feeling numb. I dunno whats wrong and what is this sickness. Visited a doctor, and he is like a dick head, with his glasses hanging half way down his nose, bad breath and asking me the same questions over and over again... I felt like giving him a good kick on his face!! He made me feel even more sick. And, the medicine he prescribed doesnt seems to work for me!! i feel like vomiting all the time. I cant even drink water now...! So BAD!!!
OK...thats not the story for today... I received a sms around 8 plus this morning. THinkingmust be one of my workers cos my friends dont normally send me sms this early on Sunday! Surprisingly it was my best friend EY. The sms goes like " Thank you Char Bor for your birthday wishes... I am finally 29 years old and MARRIED!!! He proposed to me last nigth and i say YES!!" I shifted my aching body.... trying very hard to sit up...and read the message again!!! I smiled. I was so happy. I was like...Yes Char Bor!! You made it!! I was sincerely happy for her. Cos i can feel the happiness she is feeling. We have been waiting for this moment for the past few years... and now she go it! I started smiling and laughing... I started imagining her in her wedding gown!! Hahahha...!! I picked up the phone and dialed her number..!!! We didnt even say Hello.!! We started laughing and laughing!!! Then finally she came to senses and said...."Char Boh..are you ok? you sound so weak!!" Hahahah.... yeah my whole body was pinching me... btu i still manage to laugh! Cos really happy... after chatting for a while we hang up the phone.

I lied on the bed. Not smiling anymore. Yes Great!! Now I m the "Last Man Standing"! I am the only one left. All my friends are attached and married. Me? Whats wrong with me? I am fat!! Ok well I m fat. Maybe i should loose a few kg. Is it a guarantee for me to find my prince charming after i lost a few kg? Haha...!! Looking at myself in the mirror.... my pale face... chubby cheeks... dark lips.... unbalance eyes..(one big one small)... untidy eye brows... bad complexion!! Now i know~~! I suddenly feel like im looking at a deformed apes in the mirror! I tell myself thousands of times...i need to lose some weight... I need to look the best everytime i go out..~~! But, is it worth it? Becos im looking for a guy... i have to torture myself...is it worth it... ! Somthing was telling me that I have to get married!! I cant disappoint my parents especially my dad again... I have to grab that someone and be married!! But How? I cant simply just be married to any TOm Dick and Harry can I? Where am i going to look for that someone? When is he going to appear in my life? Ok nevermind I still have time.. I have to stop looking for him. I have to wait for him to come!! THe more you are looking for it... the more he will run away.. So i have to be ever ready and let him come and look for me!! Oh yeah! Before i forget! Please bear in my mind the following characteristics if you are reading this and was trying to help me k?
1) Looks is not that important to me anymore. It does matter but not that important anymore. He doesnt need to have the best features... cos he is born like that i cant help it rite? But at least know how to dress up a bit lah.... Just somehting simple and nice... a Calvin Klein Khaki 3 quarter pants with an original Polo-T is the best!! SImple rite?
2) Someone who has stable income. U know? Who has his own car... who owns a house... and who has extra money ready for his wife-to-be!! Hahahah!
3) He needs to have a sincere heart, generous, helpful, understanding, jovial, and family kind of man! Please NOTE!! No Mummy boy here k?

Thats it!! Simple rite? But damn!! Most of them have been taken either that they are GAY!!!

I am not 8 years old anymore!

I am very angry today. I am angry with myself cos i can never gain my parents' trust. It has been like 2 months i didnt go out at night. Is not that i dont feel like going out but is that i dont want to argue with my parents becos of me going out so often. To tell the truth, I can grow mushrooms staying at home everyday like that. Its so boring staying at home lying on the bed doing nothing. I am so sick of watching cantonese series in the tv room cos i feel so lifeless. I have no one to turn to when i feel like talking. But i forced myself to do that cos I dont want to create argument. I tot after being so good for a while, it is ok for me to go out once in a while. And i did try my best to come back before 12 midnight. But no.... thigns are not like what i tot it will be. Once i step out from the house, my mum started to suspect this and that. I feel like vomiting whenever i think about it. Whats wrong having friends to go out with? Whats wrong? I am veyr decent. I just go out to drink coffee to catch up with friends. I didnt do anything wrong. I am a human being i need friend. I need someone to talk to at the same frequency. I need someone share my tots with me. But y? Why cant my parents understand me for this? I am turning 29 this year. I am not 8 years old anymore. They are ppl who is much much younger than me, they have more freedom than me!!! What is this? What have i done wrong? I am seriously going crazy. I really will go crazy staying this way. Because of my parents, i miss a chance to meet the person i am supposed to meet. Someone eligible. thigns are all screwed up now!!!!!

Me and Kah Seng's wife. The 2nd wedding i attended in 2008. (23rd February 2008)



Me and Kah Seng @ his wedding... you can tell from our face... Our body system contains too much alcohol...



Siew Mei's wedding on the 1st March 2008. What a lovely bride?!

Everything~

Everything

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman that you've never met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything and you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else not my own partaking
My passive aggressive-ness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone
Who is as closed down as I am sometimes

What i resist persists and speaks louder than i know
What i resist you love no matter how low or high i go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
who is as everything as I am sometimes

Materialistic World~

I am so tired with this. Everyone been telling me that...he is not the right one for me.... Actually i do not know what is right for me? I am really really very tired with this. With his on and off treatments and with all these matters with him.... I wish i could just forget about the whole thing and start my life all over again. I need to own what i once owned... The cheerful me.... the happy go lucky me... the one who take things easy and the one who is strong enough to handle problems myself. I lost myself lately. I lost my pride, my confidence, my believes and my dignity.

I just cant believe how materialistic this world has become. If you are not educated or you are not born in a rich family or you are not driving a big luxury car to show off how much you have or you are not wearing white collars during working hours, no one is going to look up at you, even though you have the kindest heart on earth. Inner beauty is not that important anymore these days. You will always be at the loosing end if you are neither of the above mentioned. This is unfair is it? But you have no choice cos the world has changed. You have a kind heart, not bad looking, working your ass off everyday, earning with your sweat and blood, caring, tender, loving, the most patience ppl on earth, BUT, if you are not from a rich family nor educated nor rich.... you are loosing.... ppl will have bad impression of you... thinking that you are some looser living with nothing better to do.

I hate this world more and more each day. Everyone trying so hard, working so hard just to earn a living. Why must we discriminate ppl like that? We are all human beings, the only difference is we have different lucks. We have different lucks in every expects of our lives. Some rich but broken family; Some have a wonderful family but not rich; Some rich with a happy family but bad at works; Some rich, happy family, good career but fall sick at the age of 30; some poor, happy family, good health and good career; We are all the same. God is fair, but the society is not fair. God doesn't give you all the best things. He gives what you need the most. So why do we have to look down on ppl? Why cant we just respect ourselves to respect other ppl? Why must we be so selfish sometimes? Why cant we give ppl a chance to have better luck? Why must we keep a distance from ppl who is less lucky than we do? How do you know he is less lucky than you do? Just because he is not rich? so he is less fortunate than you do?

I am kinda disappointed with my family members, with my closed friends around me... Or is it that i am blind... i cant see anything clearly now at the moment? I cant think straight? I am not rational? What is not blind? How should i think to consider it is straight? How to be rational? Discriminate ppl, keep a distance from those who is poorer than you, consider not blind? consider thinking straight? consider rational?

Rich cannot go with the poor? Well Known cannot go with those low profiles? Those driving mercedes cannot go with those driving kancil??? HELLOOO!!!!!! We are MALAYSIA!!! We are not China, We are not INDIA!!!!

Everyone tell me that i have to keep my family reputations so i shouldn't go out with him! my bro said he cant fit in the family...!!! So i should look for a man with mountain height cash money, luxury house and cars, and it is ok for him to have a few wives rite? Cos my family reputations is maintained and can fit in the family.... having a few wives doesnt torture the family reputation, its ok to torture only me rite? Thats what you all want? As long as he is high profile, it doesn't matter whats inside him.

I am sick with this!! I dont feel like having a man in my life anymore. Cos, it is so difficult, so torturing, and so tiring. Those we have feelings, cant be together. Those who i have no feelings for, I have to layan. This is sickening!! I am giving up!!!

Be Good~

Something happened this afternoon, some people just happen to be so selfish. When shit happened, they just think of ways to push the blames and safe their ass. They never even think how much these people helped him before when he got into big shits. They think they are the smartest ass on earth and everyone else is stupid!!! He is 75 this year already and still never learnt his lesson. If not because he is an old man, and i spare him some respects, I would have cursed him to death!!! Why must a person be so cunning? Why can't they be more innocence and the God might give them a better living? Look at him.... 75 years old... 1st wife passed away and all the children never take care of him. He remarried and moved all the way from Klang to this place. He does not own a house. He is still renting a house at the age of 75. He is not that poor after all. I kinda pity him somehow. I pity him because he still never learn about life. He still try to harm people at that old age. God is fair. If he is a rich man, he might be harming a lot of innocent people on earth. Therefore he does not deserve to be rich. He is still working like a cow at that old age.

I always believe, we get what we give, what goes around comes around. We have to be good to people around us. The God will serve those bad people right! We do not have to take revenge. We do not have to harm or hurt our enemies cos the God sees everything. My dad always tell me that we have to live our life with principles. Be humble, be sincere, be good, be patience and must treat everyone with respects. I do not know how many percents of good qualities i have in me. We cant have them all cos no one is perfect in this whole wide world. But at least we have done our best.

I realized that i have been wasting a lot of my precious time thinking too much. I am going to have a change in my life. I am going to do something to pamper myself. I am going to change my lifestyle. Maybe do some exercise, eat more healthy food, get better sleep, and think less. You cant have everything you want in life. So i have to appreciate what i have. Something is just not meant to be yours. I have to open up my mind and think positively.

Bleeding Love~

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Weird 2

Y are you giving me that kind of look?
When you look at me, what are you thinking actually?
Why cant you just walk straight to me and tell me dont drink too much instead of telling me through sms?
Why cant you tell me that i looked good right on my face instead of telling me through sms again?
Why are you so afraid to talk to me?
Why are you not talking to me when i stand right in front of you?
why must you be so weird?
We are friends.... I talked to all the guy friends... I took pictures with all of them... Its ok for you to fucking talk to me right on my face....
Why must you be so weird? why?
You are so afraid to talk to me.... you sms me even though i am just right opposite you... Whats fucking wrong with you?
I am getting tired with all these....
I was not drunk at all, I was just tipsy, I can notice you sitting there watching me.... I am not being sensitive or PERASAN....cos my friend told me tat you are watching me.... i can sense it...
So what do you really want from me? Are you psycho or something?
You asked me to drink with you, I was waiting, but you ended up smoking like a chimney outside...
Why cant we stay like before... with no feelings involve...just purely friends and friends... ?
I wish i could turn back time....
Do you know that every little thing that you did to me, is gonna haunt me for the next few months of my life?
Is it that guys are like that?
All the guys are the same?
All the same weird guys in this world?
If not, why are you so exceptional?

Dehydration

I have been suffering with dehydration ever since Chinese New YEar.... from head to toe... inside out...
1st---My hair... have been applying with too much chemical... and i have been washing my hair like 2 times a day cos if i do not wash my hair i dunno how to style it or make it straight, so everytime if i have a function to attend i need to wash my hair... say if i have 2 functions to attend in a day... i need to wash twice.... so my hair is so dry and frizzy.... Whatever leave-in-condition or treatment cream do not help!!

2nd--- My facial.... have been applying with too much make up...too much nicotine...too much alcohol.... too much caffeine.... exposure to sunlight.... the weather changes that i have went through...from snowing winter to windy hot weather in Malaysia.... my face is dehydrating... really really need to take care of it from now on....

3rd--- My skin... same as above... very very dehydrating.... and getting itchy once a while....

4th--- My nails... i have been applying and re-applying my nails with different colors 3 to 4 times a week... my nails are cracking and my cuticles are peeling... I am going to remove all tonight... cut my nails short and give it a break.... I am gonna attend another wedding dinner with my short and neat nails....

5th--- My body system.... with too much alcohol intake and less fluid intake... I can feel myself getting sick.... and this is the main reason why my whole body is dehydrating...




6th--- My heart.... I have no more tears to cry out... I was so drunk last night and was feeling really sad once i got home... I cant cry... so much wanted to cry out loud... but i couldnt.... I am in a maze.... he kept me in a maze.... i cant find my way out and no one is helping me.... I am getting worry and getting scared.... I am afraid i will fall in love with this maze and refuse to get out from here.... there are some signs given around this maze, but there are not clear... my senses tell me turn to my right... but the sign showing to the left... i am confused sometimes... I do not know if i should follow my senses or the sign showing.... At certain point of time....there is no sign at all... so i am walking with my senses.... When i was about to get out... i see the sign.... once again i lost my way.... i am suffocate inside here.... I so much wanted to get out yet I am staying... I am hoping that miracles will happen in this maze...

WEIRD

Sometimes you can just be so weird....
I really dunno whats on your mind....
Why do you give me so many miss calls..... and you deny when i ask...
Why are you so quiet last night?
Why do you look at me only when i turn away.....
Why are you just keeping quiet and smile when our friends make fun of us.....
why do you turn away when our eyes meet?
Why do you question me so many times when i didn't answer your message....
Are you avoiding me or what?.....
i tot you are supposed to fetch me tonight... you promised me.... y do you change your mind?
If you don't care, y do you listen to my conversation with friends.... and question me on sms later...
y are you so secretive?
If you don't care, y do you still backing me when our friends tease me?
If you don't care, y do you help me when i got challenged from our friends?
Do you know that you are so weird?
I tot you and HER got nothing... but why do you look so awkward when you meet her?
Can you tell me whats on your mind? Please.....

Sometimes you seem so caring and nice.... feel so warm when i am around you...
Sometimes you are just so cold.... feel scary and awkward when i am with you....

I hope we wont get drunk tonight...

Tattoo

"Tattoo"

Oh, oh, oh

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

The 1st Wedding of 2008

Tomorrow will be my friend's wedding. My best best friend, my "Green Plum Bamboo Horse". We known each other when we were at the age of 2. I gave him my very very 1st kiss when i was at the age of 2. (we have a picture to proof) Hahah! Now, he is getting married.

We were from the same kindergarten then we went to the same primary school. Everyone saying that we were couples and always tease us saying that we are boyfriend and girlfriend when were in primary school. We acted like one but we were not. We went to the different secondary school. We hardly keep in touch cos he was studying in KL. We only meet each other like once in a year. But we still have a lot to talk. Even though we are apart, every time when i have problems, he is the 1st person i think of. When i was in Australia, we used to write to each other like once every few months. Haha! When i came back for holiday, we will meet up. We are so far yet so close. Nothing tear us apart. Once we meet up, we had so much to talk. Never run out of topics. Thats our friendship.

We did a lot of stupid things together. When he comes back from Singapore, he will definitely look for me. We will buy 2 bottles of beer from 7 Eleven, then we will drive around drinking and chatting at the same time. We will start chatting and he has always been my loyal listener. He always lend me a shoulder to cry on through MSN, through phone or face to face. We drink together, sing together, laugh together, cry together and complain together. He always sponsor me a ticket from Singapore back to Melaka. Hahaha! We sometimes like to look for a isolated bus stop or stop by the roadside to chat and drink. I will tell him all my problems and trust me, he always provide me the most truthful advise. Sometimes it hurts cos he is being too straight forward. Hahaha! But i know he is being too nice. I can never encounter another friend like him in my life.

I know i will never loose him as a friend. We are friends for life. We are far apart but we are always care for each other as a good good buddy. Now that he is getting married. I am going to be his Brother.

Congratulations Bro!!
Happy Wedding!

Cheerss!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

(My Primary School Classmates 1979)

This is a group of my primary school classmates. We have 43 students in a class. To date, we are still keep in touch with each other. Not all of us, but at least about half of us still keeping in touch with each other. We basically into 2 groups, one group which is more educated... working in the office not very high post but enough to earn a living. Another group is not so educated but working very hard, so they are basically earning more than those with higher educational level. Most of them are sub-contractors.

I can mix with both group of friends. I dont discriminate any of them cos i really treasure the friendship between us. A lot of ppl lost contact with their primary school mates and hoping to get in touch again. So, i have the opportunity to be with them, to still keep in touch with them, regardless of who they are... I feel very lucky. I don't mind going out coffee and catching up with any of them. We are purely just friends. Everyone brought up in a different environment therefore we are all different. Human beings are unique.

Some of my friends look very Ah Beng. They have tattoo here and there, they smoke, they drink. They didn't finish their secondary school but they are earning more than a graduate now. When you look at them, you will think that they are bad and so gangster ism, you wont want to make friends with them. But, when you get to know them, they are totally the opposite from what the 1st impression they gave you. They have a kind heart, they are hard working, they are humble and they are much more polite then you have expected. They are loyal to you. The only bad thing about them is they look Ah BEng.... :P They have been through a lot of hardship cos they have to work their ass off as they are not educated. They work really hard to earn money. When they get the money they never forget about their family and their hometown. They still come back here to this small village to meet up with other friends and to catch up the GOOD OLD DAYS!!!! I feel very easy and relax talking to them cos i can just be myself. I dont have to think what to say to make myself seems higher cos i am always higher in their eyes. We can talk about anything and everything. I don have to talk about work. I dont have to think what to tell and what not to tell. I just go with the flows and say whatever topics that comes up!

The educated group..... known as "Got Study" group... not a big group of us..... only about 11 of us who "Got Study" and still keeping in touch. We hang out once in a while when 80% of us are back in hometown. We talked about Computer, Gym ,Yoga, Gathering and Mah Jong. When we meet up we go coffee.... Only 3 girls in the group, and this 3 girls tend to compare with each other and see who is doing better. I get very stressed up going out with them. Have to listen to them bragging about what they think is superb..... which i dont think so at all. I cant be myself I have to pretend bit here and there to make myself seems like I am better than them. This is call Kiasu!! I am Kiasu.!!!! But no matter what, i really treasure their friendship.. they farewell for me when i was leaving to Australia for my study. They wrote to me when they meet up. Each of them will write a paragraph then they will post a 3 pages letter to me when i was in Australia. I don't know where else can i find this kinda friends. We are friends for life..!!!!

Cheersss!!!! Friendship Forever!!

Happy New Year 2008

( Christine, Sherlin, Me, Kaye, Brother, Daniel, Shin, Marianne)

Happy New Year 2008! Its now a new year. We celebrated the new year together with the house warming. We had a big big party with a lot of guests invited, a lot of presents received, and a lot of food served. The whole day we were busy cleaning the house and getting things ready.

Finally i am in the new house now. After all the problems and hassles that we have been through, we are here staying in the new house. Everyone is happy staying here especially my dad and my mum. All the efforts that we have put into this house is nothing compare to the happiness and satisfaction that we are feeling now.




The outlook of my new house.