Materialistic World~

I am so tired with this. Everyone been telling me that...he is not the right one for me.... Actually i do not know what is right for me? I am really really very tired with this. With his on and off treatments and with all these matters with him.... I wish i could just forget about the whole thing and start my life all over again. I need to own what i once owned... The cheerful me.... the happy go lucky me... the one who take things easy and the one who is strong enough to handle problems myself. I lost myself lately. I lost my pride, my confidence, my believes and my dignity.

I just cant believe how materialistic this world has become. If you are not educated or you are not born in a rich family or you are not driving a big luxury car to show off how much you have or you are not wearing white collars during working hours, no one is going to look up at you, even though you have the kindest heart on earth. Inner beauty is not that important anymore these days. You will always be at the loosing end if you are neither of the above mentioned. This is unfair is it? But you have no choice cos the world has changed. You have a kind heart, not bad looking, working your ass off everyday, earning with your sweat and blood, caring, tender, loving, the most patience ppl on earth, BUT, if you are not from a rich family nor educated nor rich.... you are loosing.... ppl will have bad impression of you... thinking that you are some looser living with nothing better to do.

I hate this world more and more each day. Everyone trying so hard, working so hard just to earn a living. Why must we discriminate ppl like that? We are all human beings, the only difference is we have different lucks. We have different lucks in every expects of our lives. Some rich but broken family; Some have a wonderful family but not rich; Some rich with a happy family but bad at works; Some rich, happy family, good career but fall sick at the age of 30; some poor, happy family, good health and good career; We are all the same. God is fair, but the society is not fair. God doesn't give you all the best things. He gives what you need the most. So why do we have to look down on ppl? Why cant we just respect ourselves to respect other ppl? Why must we be so selfish sometimes? Why cant we give ppl a chance to have better luck? Why must we keep a distance from ppl who is less lucky than we do? How do you know he is less lucky than you do? Just because he is not rich? so he is less fortunate than you do?

I am kinda disappointed with my family members, with my closed friends around me... Or is it that i am blind... i cant see anything clearly now at the moment? I cant think straight? I am not rational? What is not blind? How should i think to consider it is straight? How to be rational? Discriminate ppl, keep a distance from those who is poorer than you, consider not blind? consider thinking straight? consider rational?

Rich cannot go with the poor? Well Known cannot go with those low profiles? Those driving mercedes cannot go with those driving kancil??? HELLOOO!!!!!! We are MALAYSIA!!! We are not China, We are not INDIA!!!!

Everyone tell me that i have to keep my family reputations so i shouldn't go out with him! my bro said he cant fit in the family...!!! So i should look for a man with mountain height cash money, luxury house and cars, and it is ok for him to have a few wives rite? Cos my family reputations is maintained and can fit in the family.... having a few wives doesnt torture the family reputation, its ok to torture only me rite? Thats what you all want? As long as he is high profile, it doesn't matter whats inside him.

I am sick with this!! I dont feel like having a man in my life anymore. Cos, it is so difficult, so torturing, and so tiring. Those we have feelings, cant be together. Those who i have no feelings for, I have to layan. This is sickening!! I am giving up!!!

Be Good~

Something happened this afternoon, some people just happen to be so selfish. When shit happened, they just think of ways to push the blames and safe their ass. They never even think how much these people helped him before when he got into big shits. They think they are the smartest ass on earth and everyone else is stupid!!! He is 75 this year already and still never learnt his lesson. If not because he is an old man, and i spare him some respects, I would have cursed him to death!!! Why must a person be so cunning? Why can't they be more innocence and the God might give them a better living? Look at him.... 75 years old... 1st wife passed away and all the children never take care of him. He remarried and moved all the way from Klang to this place. He does not own a house. He is still renting a house at the age of 75. He is not that poor after all. I kinda pity him somehow. I pity him because he still never learn about life. He still try to harm people at that old age. God is fair. If he is a rich man, he might be harming a lot of innocent people on earth. Therefore he does not deserve to be rich. He is still working like a cow at that old age.

I always believe, we get what we give, what goes around comes around. We have to be good to people around us. The God will serve those bad people right! We do not have to take revenge. We do not have to harm or hurt our enemies cos the God sees everything. My dad always tell me that we have to live our life with principles. Be humble, be sincere, be good, be patience and must treat everyone with respects. I do not know how many percents of good qualities i have in me. We cant have them all cos no one is perfect in this whole wide world. But at least we have done our best.

I realized that i have been wasting a lot of my precious time thinking too much. I am going to have a change in my life. I am going to do something to pamper myself. I am going to change my lifestyle. Maybe do some exercise, eat more healthy food, get better sleep, and think less. You cant have everything you want in life. So i have to appreciate what i have. Something is just not meant to be yours. I have to open up my mind and think positively.