Depression!!

I am so sad... My heart broken!! Finally i found out the truth!! Yes! He is attached! I hate guys!! Nothing that come out from their mouth can be trusted!!They are Bullshit!! THey are all bastards!! This minute thaey can tell you that they are not ready for a gf and no time to look for one... the next minute they can tell you that they are in a relationship!!! And i am so stupid to believe all their bullshits!! I hate guys!! Think i want to be a lesbian!! Hmm.... guess my time is not right and i am really hopeless now.... Girls can live without guys..... is that true? I tried to live without guys but life back here is so boring and my life is so boring.... other than smoking and shopping that can make me feel slightly alive... there is nothing else....

I just finish singing karaok with my father.... all the old songs and it doesnt make me feel any better.... I feel like crying but i am holding my tears back cos it is very stupid to cry over this.... I mean i am not even attach to him and he never thought that i am actually have a crush on him... i just feel so dumb.... He somemore tell me that when the fate comes then cannot stop... actuially he is not ready for a relationship!!! Kanina!! What a fuck up bull shit!!

after all the scolding and right behind the corner of my heart... i have something to say....Hmm... actually i know him before the girl!! Definitely me first!! Cos just not long after he came back from Perth i already know him.... the problem is that i am here in Malacca... n I am lack of self confidence.. if not i sure can get him... this is not fair!!! maybe they cant last long... right behind that corner is telling me that... dont give up... just maintain as a friend and maybe i will get a chance.... u see the thing is... he is still entertaining me with all the sms... i dont care what is his reason behind all that but i know he is having a good impressions of me!!!! I should not give up!!

Girlfriend only ma.... not married also wat.... !!!

The toughest task to achieve my mission is TO GO ON A STRICT DIET!!!! hmm.. his gf must be quite pretty sure very slim wan lor....!!!! If the gf is uglier than me then i lagi tak give up!!! I MUST DIET! I MUST DIET!! He is going to show me the gf.... Hai..... For fuck meh?? But i also want to see cos i want to know how strong is my competitor...!!! IF really pretty and slim and smart and well mannered and pass my requirements.... i will wave the white flag.... If not... HAHA!

The thing is .... why must the god torture me like that?? He has been single all this while!!! ALL THIS WHILE....!!! I havent been contacted him when i was going out with Alvin... I was with Alvin for ten months... I hardly contacted him... i even ignore his sms once.... FUck ALVIN!!! Then till recently only i started contacting him and getting back in touch with him.... Now only i made up my mind that i want to get him.... AND RIGHT NOW>>>HE got attached!!! Why ??? WHy all this happen to me?? What have i done wrong...???

This is so stupid and unfair!!!

Hmm.... Today is 21st of September 2006. This is the 3rd time i registered a new blog account. My 3rd time ok? Correct it is my 3rd time!! Everytime when i want to update my Blog, I realised that i cant remeber either the username or the password... So TODAY i registered a new account. I make sure i write down everything from the username to the password to the address.

TODAy is actually my Mum's birthday.. and you know what? I forgot...!! What a good daughter rite? I do remember before today... but when TODAY approached i forgot about the whole thing... So in the end i celebrate my mother's birthday with Slurpee from 7 11 and tabao fried noodles... Thats y i said, dont be a housewife. You always cook for your family, when its your birthday no one will cook for you. Even if they are someone to cook for you on your birthday, you will still think that the taste is not there. Therefore, Dont be a HOusewife!!

Too many things happen TODAY.

Something good something bad, something Happy somehting Sad.

i guess thats what life is all about!!

TODAY... early in the morning i went online to check on the market price. I browsed through my friendster. I noticed that he had updated his profile. Clicked on it. Just out of curiosity, another carefull glance, i notice that the important "word" has changed. From "Single" to "In a relationship"!!! Oh No!! oH NO!! Help MEEEEEEEEEeee~~~~!!! Too late too late... Everythign is Too late now...!!My heart beat Stopped! My legs numb! Focus! Focus!! I told myself.... this must be somehitng wrong. When i was driving my way to work, I kept thinking. Just last week he told me that he is not ready for a girlfriend and he has no time to look for one. Then, what happen this week? Or maybe he just want to avoid those girls...!! Girls like me??!! Am i too obvious? No rite?? AM i??

I start thinking again...... lie on my bed and think.... thats all for TODAY....

TOMMORROW WILL BE GOOD!!