Men in my LIfe~

... 1st one.... was K... we were closed friend...my 1st love... we went to the same school... we went out as a couple secretly... we write letter to each other during class... we shared the breakfast his mother made for him... hahaha... so sweet... unfortunately... we went to different uni... He went UK and i went to Australia.... the last time we saw each other was at the bus stop at Brickfields... we went for lunch at Lai Sing... the pork noodles... i still remember it was tasteless... cos we were having it in silent... so much to say to each other but dunno what.... we left each other in pain... we still keep in touch when i was in Melbourne... ICQ was the only way we keep in touch with each other... our relationship got complicated... i got angry when he went out with his friends... he got angry when he didnt see me online at the time i was supposed to... On my birthday in year 1998... he called me to wish me Happy Birthday... I was so happy... the next thing i know... his good friend called me and told me that K met an accident and passed away...!!!! Thats it! Thats the end of our relationship.... HE passed away on my birthday... Miss ya K...!

...2nd one... was A.... I was a changed person at that time... I started drinking and smoking.. We learnt smoking together... We stayed in the same hostel... We went to college together... We always went out in a group... I always wake him up in the morning to go college... I started admire him... and things went deeper... I was such a stupid... Hahahhaah... embarrassed... We had so much fun together... but we were just closed friends... One day.. i wrote him a letter... Hahahahahah.... told him how i felt... damn!!! so stupid!!! I slipped the letter under his door... damn!!! Hahahahah... was so surprised that he replied me the same way...just that.. he put the letter on my table.. He said he can only treat me like a 'sister' .... I cried like a mad person... avoid meeting him for weeks... Hahahahha!!! We are still good friends now... and he is still my "koko" till now...

...3rd one... was B... this is also another enjoyable one... hahahahah...!!! He is so So good looking... Yeah..i was a sucker for look back then... He is tall...fit... fair... and good looking.. can dress well.. simple and nice.. He is a Jap mix Chi... He is my friend's friend's brother... Me and my other girlfriends we go to the cafe he hang out with... we kinda stalked him.. hahahahahah!!! Everytime he walked in to the cafe... we started laughing and laughing... then we will look at him... we will find a strategic table in order to see him... almost everyday... we just hang out there... cos he hang out there everyday... we will get really satisfied just by seeing him... Then we started clubbing... i was so excited to find him there... and finaly he noticed me... he will wave to me or say hi to me... i will get sleepless night everytime he did that... hahahahhaha.... and things move on...................................... I didnt see him now.... dunno where he is... and dunno if he is already married.... thats it!!! I still miss him sometimes...and wish i could see him again one day...!!!

...4th one... was R... i got to know him when i was in Melb.... He was my friend's ex... He ditched my friend... so i was supposed to take revenge for my friend... i registered to IRC... then started to chat with him.... We chat almost everyday... and somehow we have feelings for each other... we exchanged our photos.... Oh yeah... i didnt send him my picture... i sent him someone else's photo... It was supposed to be a revenge remember?? And... surprisingly...he fell for me... he asked me to be his gf... and he started calling me... hahahahah...!!! So... he was being really nice and sweet... he came online everynight... and wrote me very long email almost everyday to tell me what has he been doing.... He called me and let me talk to his mum... his bro... and his friends... his phone bill went up to 1k that time... I felt kinda bad but at the same time.. im afraid of loosing him... cos the feeling is so complicated... i fell for him already... He sent me Parcel... a big box with Teddy Bears and Potpourri... with his own wrapping... i know its his own wrapping cos can tell from the parcel... with cello tape all over.. hahahahah... I sent him parcel too... 99 pairs of cranes made of blue and yellow....his fav colour was blue and mine was yellow... so i folded 99 pairs and my fingers got hurt.... and i bought a lot of Hershey kisses for him... we went out for a year... without seeing each other... only thru that one pic.. i felt kinda bad.. i dunno how to tell him the truth... So it was summer...im supposed to be back here... he was looking forward to meet me... He told me he wanted to intro me to his friends... he wanted to bring me for dinner and places here and there... i cant speak...and he was so excited... I seriously dont want to loose him and yet i dunno hwo to tell him the truth... I was being selfish then... I was cruel... I told him i was flying on the 12th... in fact..my flight was on the 11th... I called him before i board the flight and lied to him saying that I am going clubbing with my friends and he need not call me... I would call him when i got back from Club.... I cant sleep on that 7 hours flight... due to the some technical problem..the flight got delay.. and we have to transit at Singpaore... it was 5 in the morning... I cant resist... I called him from the airport... he picked up immediately and he didnt sleep... He didnt scolded me and sounded very worried, he asked me lots of "WH" questions... Where did i go? Why never call? Who did i go out with? What happen? Am i Alrite? and etc.... then i told him... I am at Singpaore airport... He burst out laughing and said he will drive to airport now.. He will pick me up.... I rejected him and told him... he better get some sleep and i have a surprise for him...my parents will pick me up from the airport and i need to get home 1st He said... he will pick me up from home in MElaka.... I was so scared... I just cant imagine how is his reaction gonna be... I couldnt sleep all the way.. I was so scattered.. just dunno what to do...
when i got home.. i told myself... enough is enough... I should tell him the truth... I called him.. before i got a chance to say anything... he played me the song... "Immortality" thru phone... He said he sensed something not rite... so i told him the truth... he remained silent.. and i was crying.. I told him i was very sorry and he need not come and pick me up from home.. I dont wish to see him... But he refused and insisted that..he wanted to meet me... I gave him the direction and within 2 hours, he is rite infront of my house... When we saw each other we just silent.. Finally he said.. " u r prettier than the one in the picture but i am upset you are not being honest to me..." i can never forget this sentence... We went up to KL together... I was very sad and he brought me for lunch and we went back to his house... It was askward...and tat was the last time we met each other... it was my mistake so i cant ask for more....

...5th... I got to know W thru IRC when i was back in Melbourne... We only chat online and only chat generally....no buaya no flirting... just a very decent conversation everytime.... after i came back to KL we hardly keep in touch and i hardly go online.... too many things happen at that time... Once.. after work i went to a Cybercafe at Central Market just to login and check my mail... surprisingly i got an email from him... I gave him my phone number and he smsed me the very next day.... We decided to meet up... So my friend Bess and Shanice accompany me to meet up with him at California Kitchen @ KLCC. He was not a good looking guy... but very neat and tidy guy... Bess and Shanice didnt like him very much and didnt layan him well... THey decided to leave us alone and left... So.. W and I chatted away... I found out that he is a very nice guy.. and we started sms and talk on the phone very often... from often to everyday... He will call me everymorning... lunch time and night time... he will call me in the morning to wake me up so that i can catch my bus and get a seat.... he will call me during lunch time to make sure i have something to eat.... he will call me around night time and we will chat about anything in the world until both of us fall asleep... hahahah... there was once... he was snoring on the phone... hahhahaha.... he brought me out to fancy restaurant for dinner... he bought me handbag for my birthday.... he drove me around.. showed me his office...and etc.... we had great time together... He hinted me a lot of times to be his gf... i just ignored... i wanted him to ask me out upfront... we got closer... he will pick me up from work sometimes... I couldnt seem to get him out of my mind that time... we were like couple but not officially... we didnt hold hand... we didnt kiss... we just see each other very often and talk to each other very often... but Happiness is Short... I decided to resign my job and run my dad's business in Melaka. I told him the news and he asked me not to leave... but i couldn't... He stopped calling me... and sms me... He didnt reply my message nor my miss calls.... i started missing him very much and decided to ask him to join my farewell party my colleagues gave me.... on that night.. He told me... he has feelings for me and he wanted to be with me so much but eveything is too late now... We argued that night... and things just over... the reason is He is not ready for a long distance relationship... Well.... thats the ending... I got insomia after that...for almost half a year... hahahahhahahah!!!

...6th... a year later... I met Al at my friend's wedding... I didnt want to talk much about him cos it ended after 10 months and it was not a happy ending...

...7th... recently.. someone who my family cant accept even though we had feelings for each other and things just didnt work out... he is attached now...

...8th... still MISSING IN ACTION!!!

Sabar lah My friend!~

When I was chatting with my good friend on MSN this afternoon, she said she cant take any pressure now.. She is trying to take everything slow and steady.... She has been very stress and easily get angry lately... Her temper is getting worse... so she needs to take things slowly and control her bad temper...

Same thing is happening to me... I easily get annoyed by small little things lately... I just want to stay quiet and have a peace of mind... I cant stand my staff doing things slowly.. I want things my way.. I want things fast and right... I cant stand wasting another second.. I cant wait for things.. I cant stand ppl nagging at me and asking too many nuisance questions... I just cant take it... i cant drive slowly cos i feel as if im wasting too much time on the road... I cant tolerance any little mistake or ppl's misbehaviour... I dunno whats wrong with me...

I get very annoyed when i have so much to do and the time is flying... then i get egitated with everythign surrounding me... haih....!!!!

Sabar sabar.. I must stay calm!!!~~

JusT Do IT!

Just feel like posting today. Just in the mood and just feel like saying something.
I attended a Kurnia Workshop this afternoon. The speaker was quite nice and friendly. We were discussing Personal Accident policy. She warned us saying that if anyone who wanted to purchase a policy for another person, we must not be too happy, in fact, we need to really check whats the relation between the both of them, and why is he/she being so nice buying a policy for him/her. She said, even your husband wanted to buy you a policy, you have to be careful and if possible assign your sis/mum/bro/son/daughter to be the beneficiary instead of the husband. Hahahah! This involved of money, u know? ;)

This reminded me of one of my lost friends. She married to a guy who is 3 years younger than her. She was my childhood friend. Her family and my family are closed friends. She passed away in a car accident few years ago when she was on her way to work from Johor to Singapore. She had a son. After she passed away, her dad found out that the husband had bought her an insurance policy with a very big amount of sum insured. It was the 4th month after the effective date of the policy means the husband is the beneficiary and managed to claim the sum insured. THe dad suspected that the husband has somehow killed the daughter for the insurance. The husband now is a Loan Shark! Gosh! This is so cruel! But life.... I guess this is her fate. She is so pity. The GOD will serve the husband right one day!

I always believe GOD is up there watchis us. Whatever you do, good or bad HE is there watching. I just told me dad the other day.

My dad was nagging me cos one of my workers left us. His new employer called me to find out about him. So i told his new employer that he is hardworking and i promoted him even though he gave us some shit to clean off after he left. Now, he didnt even say thank you to me but never notice me even though i was just right in front of him. I was kinda upset and angry, furthermore my dad was nagging since the day i spoke to his new employer. But, i have done my part. I pity him for not getting a job thats y i promoted him so that he can manage to get a job. The GOD is watching. Im being myself and did my part. He ignored me and caused me losses..its ok... ! GOD will serve him one day!

Im nagging here rite? cos its time im going to bed!! Hahahahah!!
Good Night!

Bithchology~

Hahaha! Bitchalogy!!?
I came across someone very bitchy lately. After reading this article, i think she fails to be a Bitch! Hahahaha! She is a Bitch trying to be! U work too hard girl!!! :P
Try harder next time!

sO ME!

yOu GiVe mE SomEthinG~

You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

Mel where are you?

@ Pure Bar balcony (Vkey, Me and Mel)

I miss my friend Mel. I wonder where is he now? I wonder if he is doing fine and safe? We only spent about 2 months time together. We had a lot of fun together from clubbing to swimming to golfing to karaoking to praying and of cos food tasting. HE is same age as my brother. I have been treating him like my brother. He celebrated my birthday with me and he left after that. Till now, 3 months plus.. and have no news from him.

I hope you are doing fine Mel! Remember your promise to bring back Abalone for Ah Kak!

Miss ya!

Beauty Lies in the Eyes of the beholder~

I was sitting at one of the benches at Tesco waiting for my cousin and her friend the other day. I noticed a lot of couples walking up and down. Old couples, young couples, underaged couples, happily holding hands couples, angry face couples and etc.... They are so many different types of couples out there... Some guys look really handsome but their gf/wife dont look that presentable; Some girls look really pretty and attractive but the bf/husband look just "sad"... Some couples look really matching they have that kind of so-called "husband n wife look-a-like"... some really look totally the opposite.... I can only judge from the outlook... from the way they talk to each other... from the way they hold each other's hand... from they way they present themselves... are they really what i see from the inside? We really cant judge the book by its cover. Some couples may look really loving but they may not be as perfect from the inside... rite? I wonder what exactly the thing that attract both of them together? Fate? Money? Loves? Cares? Chemistry? what is it exactly?
Where is my fate? Where is my Money? Where is my love? where is my Chemistry? I wonder...
When can i have that someone to hold my hand and go grocery shopping with me? I wonder...
Who is the one who will attract to my positive side?
Who is the one who will see the pretty side of me?
WHo is the one who will notice my existence?
WHo is the one who will live the rest of my life with me?
Where is the beholder of my heart and my beauty?
I wonder.....

I met HIM!!

It was a long weekend! Yes I have a date!
After that wedding dinner... we have been contacting each other...
After he confessed to me about his past... I made in kinda clear to him that i actually mind with what had happened in his past....
After a few miss calls and unanswered sms.... ha kinda gave up (thats what i tot..)
He was the 1st one to greet me on my Birthday...(he tot my B'day is on 4th June)
I was happy and was surprised that he somehow made the effort... be it as friend or others....
We started sms on and off.... somehow i started thinking of him on n off....
I greet him on his birthday cos Friendster reminded me his birthday.... and he told me tat i was the 1st one to greeet him....

things just move on like that... on and off...hot and cold.....
About 2 weeks ago... he called me... I was shocked and surprised... He told me tat he wanted to visit Melaka... i didnt want him to come.. so we arranged to meet up during the long weekend...

He was not as ugly as i remembered.... He is tall and big size... wearing glasses and not good looking... but not ugly... hahahhahahah!!!
we had a nice chat... nice lunch and everything went smoothly....
I cant help myself and started asking about his past....
I didnt want to but i just cant help myself... i just want to know....

If he was still single... if he wasnt a divorcee.... We might have already move a step forward...
Nothing is perfect in this world... I dunno how much can i compromise...
What if he is the last man exist in my life....?
What if he is the one?
What if this is our fate?
Im confused...
I just need to get to know him more.... but i know myself too well....
either now or never.... Thats IT!!!!