Welcome to my liFe!

"Welcome To My Life"
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like
Welcome to my life

My Brain is rusty!

Hey.. this is no joke...!! It is really getting harder to study after so long... So difficult to remember and to memorise... I am trying to understand the whole topics rather than memorising word to word.... Maybe this is the matured way of studying.. Hahahah!!!
Went to the wedding dinner last night.... managed to meet up with most of the old classmates.... Actually everyone is very excited to meet up... to catch up with the good old times... I am very excited... Talking about those times when u r just so naive and so innocent... just hate whoever you want to hate... or just treasure whoever you want to treasure.... u never consider what will be the consequences after hating this person.... unlike now... u have to learn how to please ppl around you... cos you cant show upfront who you are hating now.... this is so hypocrite.... i dont like it that way.... but no choice... to earn a living... u have to avoid from getting into troubles or hurting someone feeling.... Is not that i am being fake... but it is better to please someone than to hurt someone... even though u dont do it willingly cos at least u dont make a person feeling upset.... and u r helping to save the world...
Hmm.... what am i talking about..?? just understand it if u can.... oh yeah... definitely u can ignore it if u dont...!!!
This is a reunion... and it keeps me thinking... I am exercising my brain... oh yeah i read from the book "Rich Dad Poor Dad" they said... something like "Exercise physically to stay healthy, exercise mentally to stay wealthy".... anyone who passes by me knows that i want to be wealthy...!!! Hahahah!!! Who dont want?? tell me lah?!! Ok! Back to the topic....
This is a reunion... it is so hard to come by... so hard to reunite everyone to catch up... and i realised that everyone is busy earning their living.... everyone has the same mindset... I want to earn more money... for better living of myself as well as family.... everyone is about MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!! Why is MONEY so important?? it is influencing everyone 's life... to better or worse... It changed a person... to better or worse.... just dont understand.... some ppl work so hard earning so much money yet they are still complaining that they dont earn much....some ppl earn a little.... working equally hardworking.....and they are bragging away about their Only God Knows good life.... Pengsan!!!

yeah... gonna pengsan for a few hours and waking up for a new day!!

Exam?!

I have just realised that my General Insurance paper is next week. I have not been into the exam hall for ages... i have not been sitting exam for so long already.... Cant believe i am going for it again...!!! How does it feel? i really cant remember.... I hardly remember what was the last paper i took!! Oh yeah..!! My beautician exam... Hahaha!! Wish me luck for my Insurance exam... if i flung this subject... i really gotto dig a hole and hide!

My family and I have been really busy for attending wedding dinners even since the ghost month is over.... I believe we are not the only family who is having the problem.... I dont understand why... Getting married is between two ppl or should say to family... y need to trouble other ppl.... if the person wanted to wish you they will wish you.... you dont have to invite them... they will wish you whole heartedly and they will show you their sincerity... dont you think so? Especially in small village like ours.... once they get married they will start "throwing" invitation cards... regardless how close are you to them.... or you dont even say hi to each other when you bump into each other.... Wedding dinner/lunch is like so commercial now... ppl take the advantage to earn extra money.... one invitation card only cost a few cents... but the return is like how many thousands times more than that.... u dont believe me? Get married and invite the whole village or any acquaintances that u know.... and let me know how much you earn!!!

Depression!!

I am so sad... My heart broken!! Finally i found out the truth!! Yes! He is attached! I hate guys!! Nothing that come out from their mouth can be trusted!!They are Bullshit!! THey are all bastards!! This minute thaey can tell you that they are not ready for a gf and no time to look for one... the next minute they can tell you that they are in a relationship!!! And i am so stupid to believe all their bullshits!! I hate guys!! Think i want to be a lesbian!! Hmm.... guess my time is not right and i am really hopeless now.... Girls can live without guys..... is that true? I tried to live without guys but life back here is so boring and my life is so boring.... other than smoking and shopping that can make me feel slightly alive... there is nothing else....

I just finish singing karaok with my father.... all the old songs and it doesnt make me feel any better.... I feel like crying but i am holding my tears back cos it is very stupid to cry over this.... I mean i am not even attach to him and he never thought that i am actually have a crush on him... i just feel so dumb.... He somemore tell me that when the fate comes then cannot stop... actuially he is not ready for a relationship!!! Kanina!! What a fuck up bull shit!!

after all the scolding and right behind the corner of my heart... i have something to say....Hmm... actually i know him before the girl!! Definitely me first!! Cos just not long after he came back from Perth i already know him.... the problem is that i am here in Malacca... n I am lack of self confidence.. if not i sure can get him... this is not fair!!! maybe they cant last long... right behind that corner is telling me that... dont give up... just maintain as a friend and maybe i will get a chance.... u see the thing is... he is still entertaining me with all the sms... i dont care what is his reason behind all that but i know he is having a good impressions of me!!!! I should not give up!!

Girlfriend only ma.... not married also wat.... !!!

The toughest task to achieve my mission is TO GO ON A STRICT DIET!!!! hmm.. his gf must be quite pretty sure very slim wan lor....!!!! If the gf is uglier than me then i lagi tak give up!!! I MUST DIET! I MUST DIET!! He is going to show me the gf.... Hai..... For fuck meh?? But i also want to see cos i want to know how strong is my competitor...!!! IF really pretty and slim and smart and well mannered and pass my requirements.... i will wave the white flag.... If not... HAHA!

The thing is .... why must the god torture me like that?? He has been single all this while!!! ALL THIS WHILE....!!! I havent been contacted him when i was going out with Alvin... I was with Alvin for ten months... I hardly contacted him... i even ignore his sms once.... FUck ALVIN!!! Then till recently only i started contacting him and getting back in touch with him.... Now only i made up my mind that i want to get him.... AND RIGHT NOW>>>HE got attached!!! Why ??? WHy all this happen to me?? What have i done wrong...???

This is so stupid and unfair!!!

Hmm.... Today is 21st of September 2006. This is the 3rd time i registered a new blog account. My 3rd time ok? Correct it is my 3rd time!! Everytime when i want to update my Blog, I realised that i cant remeber either the username or the password... So TODAY i registered a new account. I make sure i write down everything from the username to the password to the address.

TODAy is actually my Mum's birthday.. and you know what? I forgot...!! What a good daughter rite? I do remember before today... but when TODAY approached i forgot about the whole thing... So in the end i celebrate my mother's birthday with Slurpee from 7 11 and tabao fried noodles... Thats y i said, dont be a housewife. You always cook for your family, when its your birthday no one will cook for you. Even if they are someone to cook for you on your birthday, you will still think that the taste is not there. Therefore, Dont be a HOusewife!!

Too many things happen TODAY.

Something good something bad, something Happy somehting Sad.

i guess thats what life is all about!!

TODAY... early in the morning i went online to check on the market price. I browsed through my friendster. I noticed that he had updated his profile. Clicked on it. Just out of curiosity, another carefull glance, i notice that the important "word" has changed. From "Single" to "In a relationship"!!! Oh No!! oH NO!! Help MEEEEEEEEEeee~~~~!!! Too late too late... Everythign is Too late now...!!My heart beat Stopped! My legs numb! Focus! Focus!! I told myself.... this must be somehitng wrong. When i was driving my way to work, I kept thinking. Just last week he told me that he is not ready for a girlfriend and he has no time to look for one. Then, what happen this week? Or maybe he just want to avoid those girls...!! Girls like me??!! Am i too obvious? No rite?? AM i??

I start thinking again...... lie on my bed and think.... thats all for TODAY....

TOMMORROW WILL BE GOOD!!